Between saving for college, paying for every day expenses, and ensuring their kids have memorable family vacations to look back on, many parents are stretching themselves thin and potentially putting their own personal financial goals at risk to spend more on their children.

That’s according to a Parents and Finances report released Thursday by Ameriprise Financial that surveyed more than 3,000 American parents with at least one child age newborn to 30 and average investable assets of more than $500,000. The survey finds that parents’ number one source of financial stress is the desire to give their children the best life possible.

In fact, 72% of parents report experiencing guilt while 35% put pressure on themselves to be the “perfect” parent, leading to increased spending on their children, the report says. That spending could be something as simple as giving their children treats or presents to going well beyond their initial budget to make their children happy.

Making tradeoffs

In the U.S., saving for college in particular is a major source of stress for many families, as prices continue to spiral upward and research on student loans shows how detrimental they can be to an individuals’ finances, the survey finds.

In fact, some 90% of the parents surveyed by Ameriprise plan to pay for some portion of their children’s college education, with 50% starting to save for higher education before their child turned five years old—and 10% before their child is even born.

Saving for college can be often mean a tradeoff with setting aside money for the parents’ own retirement for many families. After all, there’s only so much money to go around. It makes sense for many families to take a step back and ensure that they are clear on their financial priorities, says Deana Healy, vice president of financial planning and advice at Ameriprise. Put another way: What does your family value?

“Kids can actually take out loans and receive grants for college. There isn’t a loan for retirement, and so this is a little bit in the category of put your own oxygen masks on first,” says Healy. “Making sure that you are on track and doing the things you need to do for your own retirement will then stand you in good stead to help your kids be prepared for college.”

Healy says one way parents can lower their stress is to have age-appropriate conversations with their kids about finances. When they’re young, that might look like talking through what to do with the $5 the tooth fairy gives them. As they reach the tail-end of high school, it can be time to have a sit-down about the cost of higher education and how kids can contribute to that. Will they need to take on a part-time job? What will taking out student loans mean for them? These are good discussions to have.

“As they continue to get older, into their 20s and approaching 30, they may be thinking about a wedding, and that’s an expensive proposition,” Healy says. “Are parents helping with that? And is that the right [way to] spend money, or should I use that towards the down payment on a house?”

Opening up the conversation with them is the start to laying a strong financial foundation. Healy says parents can also take steps like opening a savings account for their kids, encouraging them to save for a short-term goal, and involving them in family financial decisions to help instill values and principles.

Parents who strive to be ‘perfect’ for their kids can risk their own retirement security, report finds